This autoethnographic inquiry traces my experience of confronting maternal transference and grief through an encounter with a peer on my counsellor training programme. I explore my (dis)embodied experience of accessing my grief from maternal abuse and estrangement which surfaced years later when I came into contact with Natasha, who reminded me of my mother and instantly reactivated my trauma responses. I comment on cultural norms specific to motherhood, womanhood and the insidious competitiveness in female friendships in the Indian context that have followed me to the U.K. I trudge through this marsh in real time, documenting my anguish and fear as I experience it, contrary to what is typically expected of autoethnographic work where we are encouraged to practise vulnerability and self-preservation. This piece is a performance of my hesitations and grief, an advent of closure that I come closer to as I continue to write and immerse myself in my agony, abandonment and the guilt that accompanies the process. I write into fractured timelines, geographies and fears, swerving ‘In’ and ‘Out’ of my mind and body as I record my trauma emerge, sweep and sway/release me.

'It's a shame I was born in these times', said my 11 years old patient, shortly before things escalated out of control. For some children, with a background of multiple trauma and innate vulnerability, growing up in the shadow of world epidemic, terrorism and war, proves simply too much. As fear of breakdown (Winnicott, 1974) is being realized by an actual collapse, as trauma is reexperienced both inside and out, by the child herself as well as by the people around her and society as a whole, the fragile equilibrium, maintained by constant effort, breaks down and is lost. Escalation of symptoms and suffering may be dramatic and overwhelming, up to a traumatic de-compensation. In the following paper therapeutic work in the shadow of these events is described. An active invitation of reality into therapeutic space is needed, as well as giving words to the unspeakable, creatively extending therapeutic holding network, acknowledging the breakdown of basic trust while standing firm on the ground still there. Above all, 'Strong hope' or 'hope-against-hope' (Han- Pile, 2017, Sell, 2022), that is the resistance to despair in situations of hopelessness, is vital in order for these patients, lacking a stable psychic floor (Tustin, 1990), to regain solid ground and re-find their selves and their way.

Han-Pile’s and Sell's work implies, that retaining 'strong hope', able to withstand despair, requires a very specific therapeutic stance: a medio-passive agency. The subject cannot be said to be either an active agent or a passive recipient, but has elements of both: her acting integrates the experienced powerlessness into her agency. I would elaborate on these concepts, and the ways in which they may help us to keep hope alive in the face of breakdown and despair, contributing to onward movement in the therapeutic journey.

Bereavement is a universal human experience which shapes individual lives and society at large, with the potential to cause sadness, anxiety and long-lasting trauma if appropriate support is not available when needed.

It is known that 1 in 29 children under the age of 16 is bereaved of a parent – one every 22 minutes in the UK, one in every class in primary and secondary school. These ‘decisive moments’ of death are sometimes anticipated (with a parent’s terminal diagnosis for example), and sometimes unexpected and sudden, but never easy for the child. In addition, traumatic incidents such as the Grenfell Tower fire (2017) and the murder of three children in Southport (2024) ripple dramatically through school communities over many years. Schools can provide a safe space for supporting a grieving child, but this requires appropriate training and resources, a consistent bereavement policy, and sensitive support by adults across the school community and beyond.

This short paper explores some of the research literature, policy perspectives and good practice from schools on bereavement, aligned with the APS 2025 conference theme of Hope and Despair: Crisis and Opportunity. The case study research of bereavement awareness training with all primary and secondary trainee teachers at St Mary’s University will illustrate further the potential impact of an intentional focus on preparing adults who work with children to navigate times of loss and grief.

An unswerving commitment to supporting bereaved children through death, grief and trauma in their educational setting is an investment in longer-term public health and wellbeing. No child should feel invisible in their grief, at any stage or in any context, and collaboration with education professionals is an essential part of the process.