My autoethnography examines my embodied experience of desi queer relationships. I trace how my romantic relationships have evolved into lifelong friendships and how they continue to foster a sense of belonging, kinship and community as ex-partners even after the relationship has ended. I serve as a vehicle to sketch the exploration of my identity and the different cultural landscapes that have shaped my experience against the backdrop of Judith Halberstam's 'queer art of failure'. My research is situated primarily within the Indian context, referencing the cultural and socio-political norms that have dictated my identity, the formation of these relationships and how growing up queer in a homophobic country has stifled my expression

Black feminist theorists from Hortense Spillers onwards have illuminated how gender, identity and desire are infused with the racialisation of the subject and object. Yet psychoanalytic approaches to gender and sexuality in the clinic are often theorised in ways that ignore how racialisation structures desire and identity. In this paper, I consider how the ‘case’ of erotic transference in the psychoanalytic clinic can act as a lens to illuminate these gaps. I present a clinical vignette based on my overwhelming experiences with erotic transference as a White, female-identified queer patient with a female-identified psychotherapist of colour. I describe how the psychoanalytic clinical literature on erotic transference is highly sensitive to gender but has largely ignored race. I then draw on Laplanchean psychoanalytic theory, as developed by Nicolas Evzonas and Avgi Saketopoulou, to theorise how the reopening of the fundamental anthropological situation in the clinic inevitably brings into play the patient’s and psychotherapist’s infantile sexuality and re-opens sites of trauma in respect of gender and race. Using Saketopoulou’s concepts of “overwhelm” and “exigent sadism”, and drawing on her response to Jeremy O. Harris’ Slave Play, I highlight the potentially transformative potential of the violence of re-encounters with traumata from colonial and post-colonial history in the consulting room. I argue that theorisation of erotic transference must consider the racialisation of the (fantasised or real) subject and object of desire, and that the analyst’s “exigent sadism” is necessary for working with these explosive energies in the consulting room.

This paper is intended as a psychosocial contribution to the ongoing crisis in the psychoanalytic clinic due to its blind spots in respect of its own Whiteness, heteronormativity and cisnormativity, as well as a reflection on the potentially productive nature of crises in individual psychoanalysis.

Sexual identity formation for homosexual individuals in India is not merely a developmental process but a moment of crisis—an ongoing struggle shaped by systemic oppression, social marginalization, and the expectation of self-resolution. Dominant models of sexual identity development conceptualize it as a linear, goal-directed journey, culminating into a ‘healthy gay identity’ defined by self-acceptance and disclosure. However, such frameworks place an undue burden on queer individuals, assuming they alone must navigate their identity formation while disregarding the pervasive societal forces that actively shape and constrain this process. It fails to acknowledge how heteronormative violence, stigma, and exclusion create an existential crisis—one where queer individuals must negotiate between their internal feelings and the external threat of societal rejection and even hostility.

Challenging these individualistic narratives, this paper situates sexual identity formation within the larger web of class, caste, religion and gender in India. Using symbolic interactionism, it examines the role of reflected appraisals—Individuals’ perceptions of how they are seen by others—and their impact on identity development. This approach emphasizes the interdependence of self and society, revealing how identity is not autonomously formed but rather co-constructed through ongoing social interactions.

Through qualitative interviews conducted with ten cis-gender homosexual men, this study highlights the diverse sources of reflected appraisals, including family, educational institutions, law, media, religion, and community, which collectively shape the participants’ identity struggles. These appraisals not only determine access to safety and acceptance but also contribute to profound mental health crises, including depression, anxiety, and substance dependence.

By shifting the focus from an individual challenge to a collective responsibility, this study calls for systemic interventions that recognize the role of society in shaping identity formation. Moving beyond personal resilience, there is a need to create environments that facilitate safe exploration, acknowledging the broader forces that shape the lived realities of queer individuals.

Research into intimate details of human life can be challenging for the parties involved. This article is a case study of a research situation in which I, as an interviewer, failed to elicit information from a male Vietnamese interviewee who evaded discussing specific details of his romantic life. I argue that this situation - the man’s avoidance of sharing details of his feelings towards people of the same sex and my discomfort in facing his avoidance - reveals a culture of silence regarding same-sex experience in Vietnam. This study utilises autoethnographic anecdotes of my own experience of growing up in such a culture and observing similar evasive attitudes. It also adopts a reflexive approach that delves into segments of my second research encounter with the interviewee as well as my internal struggles, including feelings of anxiety and guilt about probing into an informant’s romantic life. It seeks to enrich Lisa A. Mazzei’s concept of “veiled silence,” which describes the deliberate non-engagement with taboo topics by linking it with the idea of “culture of silence,” or a disempowering social environment, and discussing these concepts in the context of Vietnam. It also contributes to the literature on LGBTQ+ matters in Vietnam and qualitative research methods by recommending greater attention to silence in research encounters, which can offer unexpected insights for studies into sensitive issues.